I am a very happy, positive, laughing sort of person. This blog is meant to be a lighthearted account of our family life and I like it that way. I usually keep my flair for the dramatic confined to the borders of our home where Kyle gets a front row seat (lucky him!) and refrain from spilling my guts to the world. I get my serious on with only a few close trusted friends and family. However my spirit has been moved by all the goings on in my life lately and the past few blogs have been very personal and sincere. I feel compelled to share my thoughts in case anyone out there needs to hear it or be encouraged by it. Regular programming will resume but for now this is what is in my head.......
*****************************
Christmas is breathing down my neck! The hustle and bustle is almost coming to an end. I've had no desire to Christmas shop or buy presents this year. I'm usually very organized and get my shopping done way in advance to avoid the last minute mayhem but Novemeber was a bit of a blur for me so that didn't happen. I've purchased gifts this year on an as-needed basis, usually the day before or the actual day it's required of me. YIKES! :)
However, the one thing that has really been on my heart this Christmas is the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Here I go again with the cliches!
"the true meaning of Christmas"
What does that mean? Giving? Family? Charity? Worship? Jesus?
As I listened to Christmas music earlier in the season it made me sad. I would think "I never get to experience another Christmas with my Dad" or "I wish my Dad could enjoy this Season with us and get to hear Christmas music". I was sad to think that every Thanksgiving and Christmas is now tainted with the memory of the loss of my Dad.
Then I started really listening to the words of my favorite songs like "Silent Night", "Away In A Manger" and my
very favorite "Here With Us" by Joy Williams (lyrics below). And I had a revelation:
Christmas is exactly what
this is all about. All of this life. Our Mortality. My Dad's death. Separation from our loved ones. Separation from God.
Christmas (Jesus' birth/life/death/resurrection) is the whole reason my Dad is in Heaven right now. If there was no Christmas/Jesus then things would be devastatingly sad because I would certainly be separated from my Dad forever. But, as a Christian, I believe that God did not intend for us to be separated from our loved ones or from Him forever. Death was not part of His original plan that is why God sent Jesus. That is why there is Christmas! The most known verse in the Bible really does say it all.....
"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life" -John 3:16
It's hard for me to admit but if I'm honest during this darkest season of my 32 years of life I have had twinges of doubt. Questions. What if all of this is a joke? What if this religion stuff is just a comfort for people so they don't go insane? What if that's it? Poof. Dad's gone and it's over. One day I'll be gone and it's over. What if there's nothing else? Silence. forever.
I'll tell you these thoughts are brief and quickly overridden by Truth. Because as soon as I start to think this I ask the Lord to reveal Himself to me in some little sign. And don't you know it....He confirms His reality to me every. single. time. Through either a verse I read in the Bible, or in a sermon at church, or through something a friend does or says to me. Not a coincidence.
The past few messages at church are no doubt the Lord speaking His truth to me exactly, specifically what I need to hear based on what I'm dealing with that week. You may call it "The Universe", "Karma", "Coincidence", "Fate" but I call it a Living God who cares for me deeply and despite my years of Bible "head knowledge" and "yeah, yeah, I know you're real God" attitude He still makes efforts to prove to li'l ol' me over and over that He does exist. Especially now. He cares about my suffering in losing my Dad. He is real and He will prove it to me not because He
needs to prove anything to me but because He cares about me right now and
He wants me to know He cares right now--got that? Read it again. And if God is real, well, then we know the rest is real....Heaven is real and my Dad in Heaven is absolutely real. That is a happy thought about Christmas, not a sad one! I totally reclaimed Christmas for myself with a beautiful thought instead of the sad thoughts. Don't get me wrong...I'm not sunshine and butterflies all the time...I still cry and have moments of sadness but I have tremendous hope regarding the bigger picture (1 Thess 4:13-18).
If you aren't really sure about this God stuff, I challenge you to ask God to reveal Himself to you in some way and then get ready because He will knock your socks off. And if you're tempted to think it's just a coincidence remember there are no coincidences ;) Really, it's not. God loves you desperately and is trying to show you.
I could rattle off a long list of things that have happened in the last month that might be considered "coincidences" but rather I see them as a loving God orchestrating a basketweave of experiences together that stretch back several years to provide for us in this very moment now. It's incredible and too much to write here because I'd get a hand cramp. But it is my
reality and hope! This stuff is real, yo.
****Pastor Gregg's message from last Sunday was so what I needed to hear on the "Truthiness" of the Bible. You can listen to it here****
Here With Us by Joy Williams
It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us
It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep
Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man
