Part II - Tales from Ixtapa: The Three Hour Tour

So we decided to plan an activity (gasp!) for one of the days instead of adhere to our usual modus operandi and lounge around all day like beach bums. We asked the front desk about sunset cruises. Sure! The hotel would provide a private boat to take you around the bay, just you and your honey, to watch the sunset. Cost: $1000. Um, we’re thinking more like the Economy Package please? Surely there is a way to take a boat around the bay for under a grand? Oh, says the concierge, there is a little boat called the Picante that will take you around the bay. It’s $100/couple, including a shuttle to/from the marina, open bar, and light snacks. Hello? That’s more like it. Wait, is that what’s commonly referred to as a “Booze Cruise” or “Party Barge”? We weighed our options: $1000 private boat or $100 Booze Cruise. BC, here we come! So we get on this shuttle bus that already had about 5 couples on it. Have I mentioned that Kyle and I have a weird penchant for doing things that old people like to do? Bingo! We’re the youngest couple on the entire bus.

I’d like to paint a scene for you: A bus full of sun-burned, leathery-skinned, fun-loving, henna-tattooed- Midwesterner/Canadian 60-somethings (who apparently lost the memo that living in their 20s was actually something that happened about 40 years ago) who hadn’t seen the sun or temps above freezing in 4 months. And then there’s Kyle and I sitting in a row looking a little out of place. Then I thought to myself, if the guide on this bus greets us with a “ARE YOU READY TO HAVE SOME FUN!?” I know this is gonna be interesting. And wouldn’t you know it, those were the first words out of his mouth. Oh boy.

So Kyle chats with the couple sitting across from us:

K: So is this kinda like a Booze Cruise?

Lady: We went on it 10 years ago. Back then they would make margaritas in your mouth.

K: (Kyle looks around at the aging, silver-haired crowd) I’m trying to picture which one of these people that will be?

Lady’s Husband: (very enthusiastically) That would be me!!!!

**crickets chirping**

There was also our friend, “La Americana Gorda”, as we named her. She was the fun -loving character that stripped down to her swimsuit as soon as we got on the boat and never re-covered. In both senses of the word. Always sporting a beer in each hand, she also decided to pull the shoulder straps down on her swimsuit to avoid tan lines but wasn’t too concerned that her suit was coming dangerously close to just falling off without that critical support system of straps. Might I add that it didn't seem to phase LAG in the least that she was the only one brazenly sporting her swimsuit on this trip. Clothes, be darned!

Our young crew guys, who were making sure everyone had a drink in hand at all times, were playfully threatening to throw us overboard since we weren’t drinking our share. Well, try holding a camera and a drink while sitting on bouncing trampoline netting on a boat. It’s just not sensible! Trying to take pictures here....

It was amusing to poke fun at our motley crew but in actuality it was very nice and I would even do it again if we had stayed more days. We called it the Mullet Cruise: Business in the front, party in the back. Half the boat was partying and dancing and wearing crazy dreadlocked hairpieces, sombreros, and Santa hats (don’t ask….I was confused) and the rest of us were sitting on this trampoline netting in the front watching the sunset and beautiful scenery. It was definitely worth the trip out of the hotel and enduring the freakshows to see the mountains and take the boat around the rock islands.

HERE ARE THE PICTURES FROM THE MULLET CRUISE