Happy Bloody, Blunt Trauma Birthday!

I am blogging to you this evening with nine working digits. Why, you ask? Because one finger is heavily bandaged. At approximately 5:10 PM I was standing in the kitchen chopping onions for my Spanish rice recipe. I was all set to cook Kyle's birthday dinner. I think you know where this is headed....with one swift chop I SLICED OFF MY FINGER!!!!

Well, not the whole fingertip more like the side of my fingertip and finger nail. Shock. Horror. As I'm rinsing my finger desperately in the sink I'm a little panicked because my fingertip is no longer rounded, it is flat on one side and the blood keeps coming. Calling 911 seems too severe but I feel underqualified to deal with the situation at hand. I call Kyle.

Me: "I've chopped my finger off!!!! Come home!!!!!"
Kyle: "How bad is it"
Me: "It won't stop bleeding and it's flat on one side"
Kyle: "Go across the street to the neighbors' immediately. I'm coming home."
Me: "what if Kathleen doesn't know what to do either?! I'm calling 911"

Shortly after that, the fire truck arrives. I greet the firemen on the lawn with my bloody paper towel and a sheepish smile. Hi, it's me. I'm the dork that cut my finger with a kitchen knife.

The head fireman was very nice, I must say. He glanced around my entry and in a serious tone asked "Is the baby home?" I said he was asleep and he turned to his comrades and in an equally serious tone said "Turn the radios down, guys. Baby's asleep". Why, thank you, fire man. Thank you for respecting my home's tranquility.

At this point Kyle comes peeling in the driveway only to see the firemen joking and laughing and my finger in a Band-Aid. Obviously not an ER moment here. Hey, I panicked, so sue me. A little hydrogen peroxide and several Band-Aids later I'm ok, just in a little bit of pain and a throbbing fingertip. I suppose my "incident" didn't merit 4 fire men, 2 paramedics, 1 ambulance, 1 firetruck, & 4 concerned neighbors in our yard but...whatever...

So where does the blunt trauma come in? Earlier this morning I was checking on our fritzy water heater in the attic. I pulled down the attic access panel but I couldn't reach the other parts of the ladder that folded out. Well, when I finally did reach them the whole ladder came tumbling out onto my head and knocked me silly. I felt like a cartoon character that was just knocked over the head with a frying pan and seeing stars circle my head. Seriously? All this in one day? I told Kyle he owed me a big thank you for being the lightining rod that received all his bad luck on his birthday.

Happy Birthday, my dear Kyle. I love you to pieces and I'm glad you suffered neither blood nor blunt trauma on your birthday....however, be warned....my birthday is just around the corner ;)

I'll spare you the picture of my slanted, redesigned finger but here are the remnants of the nail and flesh that were happily mingling with the chopped onion....the little pieces in the center of the blade.

Looks like someone's gonna be buying one of these suckers soon....